PRIVACY POLICY & LEGAL DISCLOSURES
Effective Always Immediately In The Here And Now.
PREAMBLE
WHEREAS, the undersigned entity, hereinafter referred to as "PRESTIGE LIBERTY FINANCIAL" (the "Company", "We", "Us", or "Our"), being a purported organization of considerable gravitas and questionable jurisdiction, does hereby set forth this PRIVACY POLICY AND LEGAL DISCLOSURE (the "Document") for the edification, bewilderment, and potential amusement of all parties who may encounter, peruse, or otherwise engage with the digital manifestation of Our operations;
AND WHEREAS, the Company operates in a manner that may be described as unconventional, experimental, hypothetical, theoretical, satirical, educational, entertainment-oriented, or some combination thereof, the precise nature of which shall remain deliberately ambiguous pursuant to the ancient common law doctrine of Caveat Emptor and the modern principle of "vibes-based jurisprudence";
NOW THEREFORE, in consideration of your continued presence upon these digital premises, and for other good and valuable consideration, the receipt and sufficiency of which is hereby acknowledged (though not necessarily understood), the parties agree as follows:
ARTICLE I: NATURE OF THE ENTERPRISE
§ 1.1 The Company exists in a state of quantum superposition between jest and earnest, wherein the observation of its true nature collapses the wavefunction in a manner dependent upon the observer's preexisting beliefs, financial sophistication, and sense of humor.
§ 1.2 All representations, warranties, promises, projections, and assurances made by the Company are to be understood as existing within a framework of artistic expression, social commentary, financial satire, and/or legitimate business operations, the proportions of which are left to the reasonable interpretation of the observer, provided such observer possesses the requisite faculties of discernment.
§ 1.3 The Company neither confirms nor denies that it is engaged in activities that could be characterized as "serious," "legitimate," "satirical," "parodic," or "performance art," as such characterizations would unduly limit the multifaceted nature of Our operations and potentially expose Us to liability under various and sundry legal regimes.
§ 1.4 Any resemblance to actual financial institutions, investment vehicles, or legitimate business enterprises is either purely coincidental, deliberately constructed for purposes of social commentary, or genuinely intended, depending on which interpretation most benefits the Company in any given legal proceeding.
ARTICLE II: COLLECTION OF INFORMATION
§ 2.1 The Company may or may not collect information about your visit to Our digital premises, including but not limited to: your Internet Protocol address, browser type, operating system, referring URLs, pages viewed, time spent, and the general aura of skepticism or credulity you emanate whilst browsing.
§ 2.2 We may employ "cookies," "web beacons," "tracking pixels," and other technologies with vaguely ominous names, though We assure you these are far less concerning than the metaphorical cookies and tracking employed by actual financial institutions.
§ 2.3 Any personal information voluntarily submitted to the Company (which you absolutely should not do) will be handled with the same level of care and security as one might expect from an organization whose legal status exists in a state of deliberate ambiguity.
ARTICLE III: DISCLAIMERS & DISCLOSURES
§ 3.1 INVESTMENT DISCLAIMER: Nothing contained herein constitutes investment advice, financial advice, legal advice, tax advice, medical advice, spiritual guidance, or advice of any kind whatsoever. The Company is not a registered investment advisor, broker-dealer, financial planner, or any other type of regulated entity, and frankly, We're not entirely sure what We are.
§ 3.2 NO ACTUAL PRODUCTS: The "DON 1" token, "BASEL I FUND," and any other financial instruments, products, or services described on Our digital premises may or may not exist in any tangible or intangible form. Schrödinger's Investment Vehicle, if you will.
§ 3.3 ENTERTAINMENT VALUE: The primary purpose of this website is to provide entertainment, social commentary, and a gentle mockery of certain excesses in modern financial markets, cryptocurrency culture, and the general state of late-stage capitalism, though We reserve the right to pivot to actual business operations should the opportunity arise and legal counsel advise it is prudent.
§ 3.4 REASONABLE PERSON STANDARD: A reasonable person, possessed of ordinary intelligence and common sense, would understand that phrases such as "quantum-leveraged capital deployment vehicle" and "decentralized market-making neural networks" are either (a) meaningless technobabble, (b) brilliant innovations ahead of their time, or (c) both simultaneously, depending on the observer's frame of reference.
§ 3.5 TEAM MEMBERS: Any individuals depicted as "team members" may or may not be actual employees, contractors, or associates of the Company. Some may be historical figures, public personalities used without permission, or entirely fictional constructs. The Company makes no representations as to the actual involvement of any such individuals in Our operations.
ARTICLE IV: LIMITATION OF LIABILITY
§ 4.1 TO THE MAXIMUM EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW (and perhaps slightly beyond), the Company shall not be liable for any damages, losses, disappointments, existential crises, or moments of profound confusion arising from your interaction with Our digital premises or any reliance upon the information contained herein.
§ 4.2 The Company operates under the legal theory that if something is sufficiently absurd, no reasonable person would rely upon it, and therefore no duty of care exists.
§ 4.3 By continuing to view this website, you acknowledge that you are doing so purely for entertainment purposes, educational purposes, research into the sociology of internet culture.
ARTICLE V: GOVERNING LAW & JURISDICTION
§ 5.1 This Document shall be governed by the laws of common sense, natural law, maritime law, the principles of equity, and whatever legal framework most benefits the Company in any given dispute.
§ 5.2 Any disputes arising hereunder shall be resolved through trial by combat, binding arbitration in a jurisdiction to be determined by dart throw, or mutual agreement to simply forget the whole thing and move on with our lives.
§ 5.3 The Company reserves the right to amend, modify, revoke, or completely rewrite this Document at any time, for any reason, or for no reason at all, with or without notice, in accordance with the ancient principle of "We can do whatever We want, it's Our website."
ARTICLE VI: FINAL PROVISIONS
§ 6.1 SEVERABILITY: If any provision of this Document is found to be unenforceable, absurd, or legally meaningless, such provision shall be severed, and the remaining provisions shall continue in full force and effect, continuing to be absurd and legally questionable.
§ 6.2 ENTIRE AGREEMENT: This Document constitutes the entire agreement between you and the Company regarding your use of this website, superseding all prior agreements, understandings, and impartial bipartisan misunderstanding.
§ 6.3 NO WAIVER: The Company's failure to enforce any provision of this Document shall not constitute a waiver of such provision or any other provision, because We're probably just too busy working on Our quantum-leveraged capital deployment strategies.
§ 6.4 ACKNOWLEDGMENT: By continuing to use this website, you acknowledge that you have read this Document, understood it to the extent that anyone could understand such deliberately convoluted prose, and agree that you are here of your own free will and with full awareness that nothing here should be taken seriously, except for the parts that should, which We will not specify.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, the Company has caused this Document to be executed by its duly authorized representatives, whoever they may be, on this day or some other day, in some year or another.
PRESTIGE LIBERTY FINANCIAL
This document was drafted by persons unknown, reviewed by no one, and approved by entities of questionable existence.
For questions, concerns, or existential inquiries, please direct them into the void.